Sex columnist Rachel Hills was a virgin until age 26. She told Think host Krys Boyd why she waited, why it's not that big of a deal, and how research for her book The Sex Myth showed that pressure to have a lot of sex limits our experience.
“We live in a culture where, to be sexually active is associated with being desirable – not just in sense of being physically attractive but in the sense of people want to be around you, and sex is seen as being an expression of that. It’s an expression of the strength of your relationship. It’s considered an expression of health as well. And also, quite importantly, it’s considered a right of passage … where you go from being a child to being an adult," Hills explains.
“And so, conversely, adults who are not sexually active, and, in particular, adults who have never been sexually active, they may feel undesirable or they may be portrayed as people who aren’t living life to the fullest.”
The number of partners and frequency of encounter shouldn't hold so much value for people, though so many make decisions based an ideal, Hills says.
“What I found, both through the sociological and theory-based research I did and through the hundreds of interviews I did as well, is that to not be sexually active, whether that’s ever or just at a particular point in your life, that’s often – in fact, it’s usually – more circumstantial than it is a reflection of your deepest being and status.”
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